Multitasking (not living in the moment)

A couple years ago I habitually listened to a podcast recorded at a Buddhist temple. I listened to a lot of lessons and got some good stuff from it. I don’t necessarily agree with all of Buddhism, or know it from top to bottom, if I’m honest, but they are on to a few things. One thing that has stuck with me is the absolute emphasis on being “in this moment” the lessons always had.

That’s something I totally agree with. We live in a time where our lives may not be as difficult as they once were, but they are very complicated and can be even more stressful and mentally damaging. We are constantly thinking of some other (or twelve other) obligations or appointments, some other hobby, something we want, going into more debt for a new toy, some change or plan we want to make, someone besides who we’re with at the time, or any other of a hundred things. Maybe just cat pictures on your cell phone. Maybe it’s even something good, like reading constructive content on a good blog you follow or listening to a Buddhist podcast to ease that wicked-ass temper of yours. The point remains: you aren’t in the moment.

Buddhists, or at least the particular Buddhist monk who recorded those podcasts, emphasized the utility of meditation. What he meant by meditation, or how he explained it, was just sitting there and trying very hard not to think of anything at all. Turn off your stupid brain for a few moments and just exist. I use my head a lot, and that’s very difficult for me, and probably is for many of you as well. That’s okay, but it was interesting and did tend to put me in a better mood and relieve some stress.

I don’t really do it anymore, but I do still think regularly of the main point he was trying to make, which is to try to live in the moment you are currently existing in. It can be harder than you’d think, but helped me even out some of my anger, boredom, and depression issues to one degree or another. It’s obviously not a magic bullet- just another tool to try out in your life. You don’t have to go all hippy with it (if you do, that’s totally cool too), just give it a shot. Don’t make a big deal out of it. Sit down and tell your brain to shut up.

Another thing I like to do when I remember is somewhere in-between that sort of meditation and “normal.” I like to try to make myself became sort-of “hyper aware” of everything around me. I study my environment. It feels weird, almost like being on some sort of drug. It’s sad that we (well, ME anyway) spend so much time not noticing things that it feels strange when we DO. Next time you’re a passenger in a car or waiting in line or doing something boring and menial, try focusing on small details around you. Notice how the paint doesn’t match on that one ceiling vent- must have been replaced. Look at that house hiding behind the bushes over there that you’ve never noticed before. See that the grass on the side of the road is mostly fescue, but there are patches of Kentucky bluegrass in there, too.

It might sound silly, but it’s something that we don’t do often enough. You might be surprised what sort of things exist right under your nose because it’s always blocked from view by your cellphone or pushed out of mind by thoughts of what’s on your eBay wishlist. Humans don’t multitask well the way people pretend we do. We divert our attention from one thing and put it into another area. It’s less noticeable when you’re doing something you do often, but it’s still happening. Stop trying to multitask. You’re cheapening every experience you have when you multitask. Don’t half-ass two things, whole-ass one thing. You’ll be happier.

Freedom

 

adler-339128_960_720

Freedom is one of the values I’ve identified and work toward for myself (I mention and link to a great article on values in my post about minimalism). That is to say, freedom is one of the five different areas that I try to steer toward with my actions at any given time- “Does this action or activity direct me toward v, w, x, y, or z?” Obviously, I’m not without my flaws and habits, and this doesn’t always happen, but I do make a conscious effort.

Holli and I have put our plan together to achieve financial independence and a life without debt in three years. I’ve started taking Chantix to finally stop smoking (as of July 2017) and I very much intend to do so this time. We don’t spend a ton of money on useless things anymore, we have things carefully budgeted, and I’m doing productive things with my free time. That said, these two remaining things are, currently, the biggest obstacle to my freedom- especially the debt. Debt is slavery.

Holli and I plan to pay our debt off and then reevaluate our lives and decide our next move. One of the paths we are seriously considering is a mobile one- at least for a while, probably not forever. We won’t know until the time comes, but we want to leave that option open to us while we’re still young and without children. Once the debt is gone (Holli will be done with her second Master’s by then- she’s got a school addiction, in my opinion…), we will be able to live on a fraction of what we currently make. I plan to leave my current job and write for a living, if that looks like a practical option for me at that time. Holli is researching possible careers that align with her values, educational achievements, and that allow mobility.

Ideally, we would either move around constantly and experience different countries all the time, or we would build a second small house further north in the U.S. and move there to escape the miserable Oklahoma summers (and move south to avoid the northern winters) and take a long vacation every year. We aren’t sure which way we might go yet, as that’s several years out, but both are intriguing options and securing real freedom is an important step toward allowing either into our lives.

The specific kind of freedom I have in mind (everytime I say “freedom” in this article) is the ability to wake up at least ALMOST every day and decide what I want to do or where I want to go. Obviously, everyone will have some responsibilities that can’t be dodged, but with planning and prioritizing they can be minimized. My goal is to train myself to think about every decision and acquisition carefully with regards to my values- in this example, “freedom.”

“Does this decision/action/thing/etc restrict or possibly-restrict my current or future freedom?”

“Is the value it provides worth the restriction to me?”

Most things you own or commit to have the potential to be an anchor that weighs you down and restricts your freedom. Before you bring any anchors into your life, be sure to think about it carefully. Does the anchor you are considering add commensurate value to your life to offset the weight it may add? Obviously, anchors become even more important if, like me, you value freedom- or want to move towards that possibility (newsflash, that means you value it, too).

Maybe you are considering children, a puppy, joining a club, buying a new car, buying a home, going to school, or just about anything else. That may be perfectly fine, but it may not. Make sure the commitment you are making is worth all the potential weight that it brings along. Sleep on it. Take a MONTH on it, even, if that’s an option. Don’t take anything important lightly. This is all pretty common sense, but I’ve had trouble thinking this sort of thing through before. Being careless or flippant one time, even for just a few seconds, can drastically alter your life for years. Remember to think it through. Weigh that anchor (ha!). Be honest with yourself.

Debt is a drug

Once, when I was younger, I asked my father a question: “If you could only give me one piece of advice for the rest of my life, what would it be?”

You know what he said? “Don’t go into debt.”

I remember it well, though I only remember it, it seems, after I’ve put it through the shredder, thrown it on the ground, stomped on it, and set it ablaze. Why is that so common an occurrence for me? I must think I know better than everyone else. Damn kids.

Today, I’d whole-heartedly (and often do) puppet my father’s advice to anyone who asks or will listen. If you can help it, it’s probably best if you don’t go into debt. When in doubt, don’t do it. As I said, though, I screwed that up a long time ago. I had a (then-current-generation) corvette well before I was 25. I had a Shelby GT500. I sold both at a loss. I even (to this day) have a signature loan in my name that I took out JUST TO COVER THE NEGATIVE EQUITY when I sold the car for nothing.

I’ve always been a fairly-intelligent person- or at least “book-smart.” I’m not trying to brag or anything, it’s just the way it is. I’m fat and can’t skateboard, if that makes you feel better. There’s usually a trade off somewhere. Anyway, let’s assume I’m a smart guy. I coasted through high school and got A’s, not paying a lot of attention. I was bored. I never really figured out what I wanted to do with my life because I hadn’t been challenged or bothered to think about it (plus I was an 18 year old kid). I read car magazines in class and, eventually, modified and street raced my cars (Remember: book-smart. No common sense). I signed up for votech in my junior year because I was bored- and because votech kids only had three hours of class in the morning and then got to go work on cars or weld or do nails or whatever it is they’re into. I was pretty good working on cars. I got sent to a state-wide auto diagnostic competition my senior year. My partner and I took 3rd place. Wyotech automotive school gave me a full-tuition scholarship. I didn’t have anything better to do after high school, so I went with it. All I’d have to do is get a loan to pay for my living expenses in Pennsylvania for a year.

Let’s put aside the fact that I just sort-of stumbled into a career (one that I stayed in for an unhappy decade thereafter) without giving it any thought or consideration, or the fact that I kneecapped my college potential (turns out I don’t really mind that as much as I thought I would). I took a loan. I took a loan that I was responsible for and would have to pay back. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was 18 years old. I didn’t even know who I was or what I wanted to do. I just went with it. I won the scholarship, right? That’s a cool thing. It would be stupid not to go. That was the beginning of a decade-long downward slide for me- and for my future wife, who I was to drag down the hole with me.

Debt is like a drug and, as is the nature of drugs, it can be used for good or evil, depending on the type of drug and the way you utilize it- think Advil to fix a headache versus shooting up behind a 7-11. Debt can be used for (subjectively) good things like buying a house for less than you might pay in monthly rent while also building equity in said house. You could theoretically make money, or at least break even, when you’re done with the place- barring some huge housing market crash, but when does that ever happen?

except for that time when it happened.

So, debt can be good. Hell, we went into significantly more debt last year to make the move to our tiny house, but we considered it carefully and had a solid plan in place to deal with it and pay it off ASAP. Debt can move you forward in life much faster than you could have done so without it. Just remember that debt is indentured servitude at best, slavery at worst, and a drug at all times. It can be addictive. It can be dangerousLet’s make up a simple/silly example scenario:

Let’s say you’re a young guy who likes cars. Maybe you went to Wyotech, who knows. You take a loan out to get a new car and suddenly you’re locked into paying for that car until you either pay it off or build enough equity in it to sell it and break even. You’ve got a bill. Now you’re an adult with responsibilities. You have to have a steady job that pays well so you can afford this car. So, you go to work every day in the new car. At first it’s fine because the job is new and the car is new and everything is novel. Cool beans. That won’t last. Eventually, the “new toy high” wears off and your mood drops back to the baseline, but now you have to go to this job you don’t necessarily like very much to pay for a car you sort-of like, but could honestly take or leave.

Your level of “happiness” (pleasure is NOT the same thing as happiness) is right back where it started before you got that car, but now you’ve stacked TWO items on the side of the scale weighing AGAINST your happiness- your real happiness: the job you don’t really like but you have to go to (Just an example here. We know you love your job.) and the car payment you’re stuck with for a car you no longer get the high from. You can’t sell the car, it’s worth less than you owe on it. You can’t quit the job, you need it to pay that car payment. You’re less happy than ever. What to do?

Well, you’re already gonna have to go to work because you have obligations, but you do have this extra money. Might as well buy something else. Maybe that motorcycle will boost you back into the happy spectrum. You buy it. The toy is fun for a while. The mood returns to baseline. You now have a motorcycle payment AND a car payment.

This is a pretty nasty cycle. People get unhappy with their lives for any number of reasons. They sometimes medicate their mood with things instead of digging down to fix the real problem. It’s like taking morphine every day for a nagging pain instead of fixing what’s causing the pain.

Eventually, you end up with so many toys or hobbies or habits or whatever that you have no disposable income remaining. You get credit cards so you can still live the lifestyle you’re used to. Eventually, those cards max out because, like we already established, you have very little disposable income after your bills are paid, so can’t pay down the cards. You’re still unhappy, but now you’re married to the job you don’t like, you’re married to that car, that bike, that jet ski, that swimming pool, that Rolex watch, all those credit cards or whatever it is you used to try to pull yourself out of the unhappy-hole (trademark).

You’re working all the time. You can’t quit because you’re a slave to all the stupid crap you bought. Only when you’ve fallen all the way down this hole- and can’t dive any further down because you’re broke- do you realize that things don’t make you happy. You dig around and figure this out, but now you have very little money to use to dig yourself out. You’re expending most of your energy treading water and have nothing left to swim to shore. Forgive me for switching metaphors.

This isn’t exactly the way my life went over the last decade, but it’s uncomfortably familiar. It’s uncomfortably familiar to a LOT of Americans. We live in a culture that thrives on this sort of self-feeding cycle. Advertisers make a living figuring out ways to convince you that the next thing will make you happy. People are unhappy with their lives so they buy more crap that’s supposed to make them happy and then the economy grows 1 percent. Economists declare it a success.

Obviously, this isn’t always the way people get where they are. There are a lot of unfair things that can force you into debt. Medical problems. Legal problems. Kids are always a variable in the equation. Some other obligation thrust on you out of nowhere. Drug addiction. The route to crushing debt is paved with many paths. This example isn’t meant to be all-encompassing or put you in a box, it’s just an example.

All that said, the most important thing is realizing you are in the quicksand. That’s the first- and most important- step. Step one is realizing you have a problem. Sound familiar? Once you realize this, you can start to consciously do something about it. Stop eating out all the time. Stop going to the gas station for food and snacks. Stop paying for twelve different monthly subscription services. Quit smoking. Stop the compulsive shopping. Sell all the excess crap you don’t need on ebay (you might be shocked how much you can recoup from the crap you don’t even care about anymore). Go over your budget and required expenses/bills exactly. See where it might be possible to cut back. Find out what areas you are bleeding the most unallocated money to each month by checking your bank statement- for me, it was cigarettes, restaurants, and gas stations. Stop all the bleeding you can and find out what you have left over. Apply that leftover money, however much it is, toward your debt- smallest to largest.

My wife and I are using something similar to the snowball method. I also created some spreadsheets with a log of all incoming and outgoing funds for each category of the budget we are trying to control- after the required bills are paid. I attached an envelope to the back of each sheet. Each pay period (or once a month), we pull out the amount of money we’ve allocated for each budget category and put it in the envelope. Say, 100 for eating out, 80 for gas, 300 for groceries and animal feed, etc. I really recommend implementing something like this because spending cash is harder than swiping a card. It’s more real and more deliberate. You notice it more and hesitate more. Do it if you can.

Most importantly, don’t despair. I suffered with that a lot. Falling into despair over the situation does nothing but hurt you and make you even MORE prone to making destructive decisions. There are options and plans out there that can help you. Look around and read all you can. You CAN do it. You just have to figure out what’s stopping you and start to make changes. A little at a time adds up to a lot over time. With our current budget plan and cut-backs, our previously-insurmountable debt (including our two fairly-new cars and our new tiny house) will be paid off in three years. Putting a solid plan in place to pay off the debt and being able to see, plainly, where the road ends has made me happier than any sports car or gadget or gun I’ve ever purchased. Cut out the excess and buy your freedom. Do it today.

“Superfluous wealth can buy superfluities only.” – Henry David Thoreau

What Is Minimalism

I don’t particularly like the word “minimalism.” I prefer to say “live deliberately.”

You know, like Henry D. Thoreau. I don’t care how much you dislike the man, he’s quotable as hell and you know it.

The word “minimalism” carries a lot of weight- sort of like the phrase “tiny house.” People tend to have a lot of preconceptions about it. The word invites critics who cite any apparent-irony in the lives of those calling themselves minimalists. Cynics moan about it being a rich-privilege. Patriots harp on about it being damaging to the economy. Not helping the matter is the fact that people who identify as minimalists tend to live in wildly-varying ways. Some minimalists live out of a backpack and travel the globe. Some minimalists have four-bedroom houses in the suburbs and six kids. Most land in the middle- that’s where Holli and I fall. It might seem confusing if you’re new to the idea, but bear with me.

Minimalism doesn’t mean owning very few items. Most people jump to that conclusion. That’s all they fixate on, but it’s not necessarily true. I know, that seems counterintuitive, but I promise I’m telling you the truth. Minimalism gets its name from the art movement of the twentieth century, characterized by finding beauty in simplicity.

“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” – Antoine de Saint-Exuper

We can find beauty in simplicity, but a person’s life is not a sculpture or a painting. It’s a life. People’s lives aren’t all the same, and some people may need more or less than others to live and be fulfilled than a painting requires to visually “pop.”

There’s a dark side to minimalism, as well. This movement is no more immune to corruption or hypocrisy than anything else in the world that involves human beings. Some people get so caught up in the decluttering or minimalist aesthetic that they lose sight of the point. “Can’t see the forest for the trees,” so to speak. If you obsess over owning as little as possible, you are still being controlled by your possessions instead of the other way around.

Minimalism must always remain an implement to be utilized, never the end-goal or lifestyle in itself. “Aesthetic minimalism” is not the same thing as minimalism. A person may be aesthetically-minimalistic and still completely materialistic. They may be both, simultaneously. They may think they are both, but be misguided. People aren’t perfect- I’m not, anyway.

That looks totally different for different people, which is why we see such variation in the “minimalist lifestyle.” Not everyone values the same things, so the items or activities they busy themselves with aren’t going to look the same. Having children is extremely fulfilling to some people, while others would see it as the end of the world. You can still apply the minimalist mindset to your life, no matter where your personal values fall or what your life looks like (Minimal Wellness has a great article and worksheet on finding your values).

Minimalism is a tool used to prioritize the things that matter most in our lives. Minimalism is about identifying what adds real value to your life, doubling-down on that, and having the self-discipline to clear out the things that get in the way. Remember, that doesn’t mean only physical things, and it doesn’t mean only physical clutter. Clear your schedule of the things you can control that don’t add value. Silence the noise- the better to hear the music. Extinguish the lights- the better to see the stars. Clear the clutter, the better to locate the damn jacket I’ve been trying to find for over a year holy crap Holli get in here and look what I finally found–